Sex and the CBD, Singaporean PIE. Karaoke Ugly.

Sex in briefs :
1) Homosexuality. Seems the PAP, in its liberal-minded all-embracing (platonically of course) wisdom, is now actively recruiting homosexuals. Oh, but homosexual sex is still illegal. Can you imagine a day at the office of Mr Poke-me Man, PAP white(duh)collar (and purple underwear) boy? The sheer sexual tension must be tremendous. All those downcast eyes. Musn't look up, mustn't look up, musn't make eye-contact... DAMN! (klaxon sounds, swat team bursts in through windows, etc).
Keyboards clicking away, oppressive silence, stapler falls on floor... mustn't look up, mustn't look up, mustn'tpickupstapler.... DAMN! (klaxon sounds, swat team falls from ceiling, etc)

2) Oral sex. Recap... or recover. cover up. whatever : policeman has consensual oral sex with girl apparently of age of consent, girl decides a week later result less-than-satisfactory, makes police report, policeman loses job, charged in court, goes direct to jail without passing go (came? no go-go!). Oral sex in Singapore, like homosexuality constitutes an unnatural sex-act, unless it is followed by penetrative (heterosexual) intercourse. That's food for... ... ... thought! isn't it?
After much chewing, mulling (but no swallowing) and thought, courts decide that the girl was a minor after all, so that's all right then. Sorted.

3) Bar-top Dancing (think Coyote Ugly, only substitute REAL ARGLEE for beautiful blonde girls in thigh-high - or, on an average oriental girl, neck-high- boots). Enlightened minister realises sight of girls dancing on bars/tables will "inflame" the passions of men on a lower plane-with-a-view, leading to no-holds barred wrestling sessions, chaos, anarchy and FatalitY! ala mortal-kombat. I personally fine this rather amusing. Inflame? Perhaps he meant engorge. All our upright and erect young males being rubbed the wrong way, tsk tsk.
Shortly after, enlightened minister in typical generous and progressive PAP fashion legalises bartop dancing to show how liberal our forward-thinking government has become. Apparently males no longer find prospect of looking up girl's skirts an inflammatory matter any longer.
Perhaps PAP should consider law against girls going commando when bartop dancing. Or not wearing bras if below minimum height cutoff. Or perhaps patrons of clubs must attend blindfolded and double-gloved?

4) Trivia #1 : Did you know it is illegal to walk about nude in your own home? Logic runs that HDB flats, essentially pigeon coops stacked up in close proximity to each other, afford people (with modestly powered binoculars) views of each others' living rooms. One supposes the inflammatory argument is in practice again, so naked ironing, naked cookie baking, naked fridge-raiding, and naked nakedness is starkly illegal... nevermind that the person making the police report, in most other countries would be guilty of voyeurism.
Cut to latest civil-watch organisation : Nanny/nehneh-Watch, hordes of grannies armed with binoculars / handycams, daily panning the horizons for signs of wanton, decadent, immoral nakedness. Gaydar? Nay, Nehnehdar lar.

5) Trivia #2 : Age of consent in Singapore... 16? 17? (one of the two). Age of cineview-sex in Singapore (ie Rated, Artistic, or R(A), since sex is clearly artistic) 21. Yes, quite. So in theory, a teenaged male could watch the real thing skewered at the end of his, uh, staff (as Terry Pratchett says, a wizard's staff has a knob on the end) and a teenaged female could watch the real thing sliding slowly and slimiley (how's that for alliteration?)... um southwards, heck they could both star in a porno-artistic video, but if they tried to watch it on screen they'd be breaking the law.
hmm. yes, quite.

So in a nutshe... in a small, hard, wrinkly round... in brie.... in shor..... In essence, (phew close call there) our esteemed government, in their omnipotence graces the layman with attention down to his/her drawers/knickers. (Free Willy? Immoral!) Micromanagement in the micropolis. Does anyone else ever feel like you're living in a Sim's Unleashed! (within the law) game?    # Re-minisce denies liability.11/30/2003 03:50:00 am