Precioussss Pigeonssss

A Christmas Pressie to all the misguided people who came here searching for hot, sweaty, passionate, expletive-laden, screaming youknowhat.
It's not my fault you're here, it's Googles. What else do you expect from birdbrains?    # Re-minisce denies liability.12/23/2003 07:23:00 pm

Round Head Blue Face Roosters

oh yeah, and drgoat really HAS to know what these google searches, which brought various interesting characters to his humble internet-thingie were all about :

http://search.yahoo.com/search?va=round+head+blue+face+roosters&ei=UTF-8&n=20&fl=0&xargs=0&fr=fp-tab-web-t&b=661

http://www.google.be/search?q=babboons+stress+wilkinson&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8&hl=nl&meta=

http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&ie=ISO-8859-1&q=%22Sex+in+briefs%22

well the last is pretty obvious. I think. :\ If anyone has a clue, please feel free to enlighten me...    # Re-minisce denies liability.12/23/2003 07:14:00 pm

Kinky Reindeer

Much ado about Parliamentary Member : the Organ of State comes clean

Nude photos of Steve Chia and maid found in his home. The Non-Constituency MP's wife makes a police report after finding the photos, and an investigation is under way.

NON-CONSTITUENCY Member of Parliament Steve Chia is being investigated by the police following a report made by his wife who found photographs at home of him and their maid, both naked.

In the police report, Mrs Doreen Chia, 31, alleged that her husband had outraged the maid's modesty.

Mrs Chia reported the matter to the Ang Mo Kio Police Division at the end of last month, just weeks after the couple's seventh wedding anniversary.

She is also pregnant with their first child.

When contacted yesterday, police spokesman Phillip Mah said that it was 'inappropriate for police to comment on investigations'.

However, The Straits Times understands that the maid, an Indonesian woman in her early 20s, has told police officers that she had not been forced into posing for the pictures.

'There is nothing for you to write about as it is a problem between husband and wife to be sorted out.' - Mr Chia, who is also secretary-general of the National Solidarity Party in an SMS reply to The Straits Times. Both Mr Chia and the maid were said to be smiling in the photographs, sources added.

The maid, who had been working for the Chias in their five-room Housing Board flat in Ang Mo Kio for about a year, is no longer employed by the couple.

She is believed to be staying at a haven for maids who run into problems with their employers.

When The Straits Times visited the couple's bridal salon in Tanjong Pagar yesterday, Mrs Chia, her eyes welling up with tears, confirmed she had made the police report against her husband.

When asked why she made the report, the long-haired petite woman, who wore a black loose-fitting dress because of her pregnancy, would only say: 'I prefer to reserve my comments.'

The couple met on a trip to climb Mount Ophir while they were both studying in the National University of Singapore in the early 1990s.

Mr Chia, 34, the secretary-general of opposition political party, the National Solidarity Party, did not answer calls to his mobile phone yesterday, but replied to an SMS from The Straits Times, saying: 'There is nothing for you to write about as it is a problem between husband and wife to be sorted out.'

Mr Chia was given a seat in Parliament as a Non-Constituency MP after the 2001 General Election for garnering the most votes among the opposition members who lost.

His party members declined to comment when asked how the matter would affect his position in the party or in Parliament

*****

DrGoat finds the whole issue so screamingly funny already that any attempts to comment will be superfluous icing on the, um. pastry thingie.

[pause.
Icing is good, it's sweeeet.]

So too does he find this (newspaper) reader's reply :
*****

Quit or stay? Answer is clear
IN THE report, 'Steve Chia bares all' (ST, Dec 22), the Non-Constituency Member of Parliament, when asked about his political career, was reported to have said 'it's for the public to decide, after hearing my side of the story, to see whether I am still suitable to represent them'.

Mr Chia should realise there is nothing that the public has to decide. He has to decide for himself if he is fit to enter the august parliamentary chamber and face the MPs and ministers, with his head held high, after being exposed for his nudist acts and taking 'sexy' pictures of his former maid. He doesn't have much time to make that decision. The next sitting of Parliament is on Jan 5.

There is no need to wait for the police to decide whether action would be taken against him. This is a matter of upholding the integrity of an important organ of state - Parliament.

S. RAMAMIRTHAM

*****

So today (no relation to any disreputable news broadsheet at all), DrGoat has also learnt :

1) That taking nuddy pictures of people, with their consent is actually outraging their modesty. Poor Jordan's modesty must be so outraged it's died of an apoplectic fit by now.

2) That the police will discharge their duties and
investigate claims of modesty-outrage without even a victim making the report - after all, it is a *criminal* offence!

3) That the press is so dedicated it'll go to any lengths to get down to the bottom of the truth.
And,

4) In the eyes of fully-fledged professional investigative reporters, taking sexy photos of someone, and taking separate nuddy photographs of yourself is really taking "photographs at home of him and their maid, both naked". Clever phrasing, that.

5) That the MP for the internet (cuecard : Laughter!) is clearly delusional, after all he believes that "'There is nothing for you to write about as it is a problem between husband and wife to be sorted out". Don't be absurd man, this is a clearly criminal matter, not a domestic one! Modesty is at angry and baying for blood!!

One question DrGoat would love answered is... so does she smoke cigars, or cigarettes?

DrGoat officially believes that Steve Chia is a houseplant cleverly disguised as a human being. And the maid in question (unlike the maid in manhatten) is really just a venus flytrap.

On a parting note, Festive Greetings, Merry Christmas, and blah blah blah to everyone. Break a leg. And stay the hell out of my A&E.
    # Re-minisce denies liability.12/23/2003 06:59:00 pm

DAGU? ZUG-ZUG!

It appears that New Line Cinemas had some trouble with their AI scripts for the 200,000 CGI combatants in The Return of the King - they were so lifelike they kept running out of the battle. (one wonders where they fled to? And what that strange clanking noise emanating from the inside of my modem is?)
It's a good job they didn't put brits in charge of the Lord of the Rings CGI. I can just imagine them trying in vain to get the orcs to stop taking tea breaks, and holding intellectual discourses about the necessity for audit, review and restructuring. Oh yeah, and prying the head orc away from being all lovey-dovey with Uncle Sauron...

In other news, this website continues to get an unprecedented number of hits (I knew that Jordan pic was good for something! not.) from people searching for Johnny Wilkinson unclothed. More recently though was someone looking for "girls going commando".
Mmm. mm. m.    # Re-minisce denies liability.12/17/2003 09:59:00 pm

Bounty and Fudge

So it seems that Saddam has been captured, holed up in a coffin/bunker with a pistol, 2 AK 47s, $US 750,000 and a box of bounty bars. (as per rule 1, Dictatorship 101, Things to Take With You When On The Run. I see the CIA really did teach him well.)
His achilles heel, it transpires, was a co-operative relative who tipped off Good old Uncle Joe.
Mother-in-laws... God, you gotta hate 'em.

as an aside, I find the whole issue really distasteful. I mean, for Chrissakes. Bounty?? Snickers man. Always go snickers. What kinda dictator eats chocolate bars with coconut flakes in them - that's just so wrong.

******

In local news, Tony B. Liar maintains that the secret WMD labs clandestinely disguised as chippy shops / Indian take out in Iraq are clear evidence of Saddams Thrust for a bigger, longer Phalanx of Mass Destruction.
UN Inspector Hanz Blinky's professional opinion is that there is no clear evidence that the establishments were ever intended to be put to the use of increasing Saddam's mighty endowment.

*******

In local news, too, Abdulla Takashimaya, Acting Minister (apparently he's not a real minister anymore) has been overheard telling (so it's really acting lah, not pantomime) local students that they have to Trustno1 and Question Everything. Naturally they brought it right back to him and started asking him if the government is just wayang-ing or is it really doing things behind the scenes?

(the answer is, yes, OF COURSE our belovered ministers are doing things behind the scenes! WHY DO YOU THINK THEY WEAR WHITE?)
(getyermindsouttathegutter.)

One brave soul even had the temerity to remind him that he was, in true-blue/white ministerial fashion not answering the question.

Reminds me of the time GCT visited the UK several years back.

Setting : a press-conference-styled meeting complete with TV crew, bright lights, and generic bunch of frigh... hesitant student-audience twitching hands in pockets but few actually raising them to ask anything vaguely sensible.

Mr X, a student with the subtlety, natural good looks and hairstyle of an overripe durian, plus life expectency of a bright orange, talking, humanoid shaped hooded-garment from a TV cartoon series about some park or other had this rather interesting conversation with The Supreme Ruler (and occasional Exceptional Eraser):

X : So what about your policy yaddayaddayadda, which blahblahblah, would you not agree it is bad because (insertgenericboringnoisehere)?

GCT : (Big, sincere eyes, slow, ponderous tone) Weeeell, fudgefudgefudge.

X : Ah, but what about yaddayaddayadda, which blahblahblah, so it's blinkblankbonk??

GCT : (slightly narrower eyes, slower, more ponderously) fudgefudgefudge!

X : You are not answering the question sir. What about...???*

GCT : (big, sincere eyes, vague attempt to look humourous, valiant attempt at light tone of voice) some questions you simply do not ask!
methinks he also made some odd gestures behind his back to his security staff.

I wonder whatever happened to Mr X...

At the same conference, there was also Ms Y, a (groan) medical student from nuttyporker university, who bravely raised her hand and delivered us this unforgettable gem :

Y: (breathlessly) MrGCTMrGCT! Mymotherknowsyou! Shesplayedgolfwithyoubeforeandalwaystalksaboutyou, she... (peters out abruptly, eyes glaze over. pause.) weebleweeblewee. ble!

GCT : (big, sincere eyes, slow, ponderous tone) ye-es. (pause). you remind me of her.

* - author's footnote : always question the sanity of a person who concludes his sentences with more than two punctuation marks. Good one, Mr Takashimaya !!i    # Re-minisce denies liability.12/16/2003 10:16:00 pm

DrGoat postulates :

that as we already have several unofficial "national" fruits (eg banana, a term derisively employed by oriental people in Singapore to ostracise, well, other, "less oriental" people - "yellow on the outside, white on the inside") floating around the nutty nation of Sing-city, we ought to add the mango as another national dish.

yep, yellow on the inside, green (with envy) on the outside. Anti pilots, anti doctors, anti any working professional from a higher pay bracket, really.
Occasionally also red (with shame) on the outside when caught in The New Paper picking noses, scratching bum, or (hushed silence) litterring.

    # Re-minisce denies liability.12/15/2003 02:11:00 am

Plane Speak

DrGoat observes that children, ordinarily bastions of sweetness, innocence and other manner of iccky words that bring forth the mushness within us all, metamorphose aboard aeroplanes.
Children aboard Aeroplanes come as either one of two subspecii :

1) bawlers : drgoat considers parents who callously allow their children to bawl for thirteen hours continuously (where normally even half an hour of sustained crying is enough to precipitate a maternally-motivated midnight sojourn to the nearest Accident and Emergency)
grossly inconsiderate. There's limited oxygen aboard a plane! they recycle the air!! the little monsters are just wasting everyone's life-blood......

2) kickers : we all know the type - they assume the foetal position then bunny hop on your back with the force of a fifty-ton, five year old joey (with oversized feet to err boot).
Drgoat postulates that sports schools are unnecessary to develop future versions of Fandhi, Beckham or Wilko : frequent flying will do far more to develop their leg-power. Or give them death by Deep Vein Thrombosis. Which wouldn't be such a bad thing either. Natural selection is a good thing. Get with the programme, people.    # Re-minisce denies liability.12/13/2003 01:37:00 am

Put the round peg in the round hole...

It seems the bulk of my readers have been arriving at this humble site via google. The search phrases most commonly employed have been "Johnny Wilkinson", "naked" ; "Johnny Wilkinson, nude" and, for some bizarre reason, "bartop dancing in Singapore".

Yes, quite.

Moving swiftly on... two short scenarios, not, in any way, of course, related to one another :)

Imagine you are a world-class politician endowed with the bountiful blessings of whatever multicultural Gods that inhabit the lush, verdant green sidewalks, and regularly-spaced refuse disposal units which line the streets embracing the gloriously shiney skyscrapers upon which your nation's everyday existence depends have granted you.. In other words, imagine you are playing "Black and White" meets "Sim City" :

1) Cunning linguists, fellonous fellatio, ad nauseum.
See post below for background.
Do you :
a) consider changing the all-encompassing law against "unnatural sex-acts", deemed archiac and outmoded by various members of the general public, and numerous hotshot legal eagles to boot.
b) maintain that the law is the law, and that changes to the law may bode poorly for the your country's future, citing the dangers of the ever-present slippery-slope argument : laws balance on the shoulders of other laws, and the fall of one law may bring the entire lot cascading down into the cesspool of immorality, decadence, anarchy and other things inherent in societies beyond your borders.

No question about it. We choose option b. The law is the law, we will neither bend nor break, and never shall we yield. What are laws if we go around changing them?

2) Slash, crash and burn
Disgruntled pilots of your Nation's Major Airline, in the aftermath of post-WorlwideKillerVirusSpreadByCockroaches paycuts and retrenchments rebel against your decision to further dock their pays by ousting their union leaders, who you have invested large amounts of time and money intimidating, cajoling and generally re-programming into becoming nice obedient pawn... err knight protectors to your ever-worthy visions of National Progress.
Do you :
a) respect their decisions which appear within the limits of the law, and urge for peaceful and mutual resolution to what appears to be a proverbial breakdown in communications between the executive board and staff of an apolitical company?
b) Denounce the traitorous heathens who have dared to challenge their authority-figures as subversive elements out to bring forth the four horsemen of the apocalypse, invoke chaos and terror to the nation, and pretty much Do in their Country, and threaten to Do them In first? (Bringing new meaning to the term "DIY")

pause. Naturally, we choose option b) - change the law, prepare to de-register the pilot's union, and clean out the nice little four by four jail cells for the uncouth, uneducated, unwashed rabble-rousers.
    # Re-minisce denies liability.12/07/2003 02:29:00 am