DrGoat bids a big HELLO to its newest member, J W. The force is strong in this one. May he live long and be arrested rarely.    # Re-minisce denies liability.1/31/2004 10:25:00 am

What the wage reform means to the average peasant

(My first post here. Thanks to Dr. goat for the invitation.)

It means:

(a) if your boss is happy, he will pay you your $300

(b) if your boss not happy you will have to make do with $700 (before CPF) which will be more than enough for 350 plates of char kway teow priced at $2 (excluding GST).

(c) the resident bootlickers in your place of employment will have a field day carrying your boss’ balls to ensure that they will have that extra 150 plates of char kway teow priced at $2 (excluding GST) to enjoy.

(d) setting aside money to have your own child has become next to impossible.

(e) the Singaporean dream of owning a car have just been upgraded to the “only when strike lottery” category.

(f) chances are you will keep your job, although whether this will help in the long run or how much more competitive we can be, no one knows.

Personal observations when reading the national rags on this:

(a) The spate of articles on this stressing on “employers, employers, employers”.

(b) The predictable but measured positive comments from employers, who may be rubbing their hands with glee that they now have a convenient excuse to screw the peasants under the banner of “poor performance”, which is usually subjective rather than objective.

(c) The surprisingly lack of quotes from the peasantry arising from this. Or maybe the rags are waiting for their mailboxes for the respective Forum pages to flood.

(d) The recommendations were derived from discussions with the manpower authorities, unions and private companies. I am curious as to how far the unions went in representing the interests of the common peasant.

(e) No concrete success stories on how this has positively impacted the bottom-line of a company and in one article, it seemed to suggest that they were still looking for one.

(f) No data or statistics to attempt a postulation on how far this recommendation can go in the grand or smaller scheme of things.

(g) In general, it feels like “we-don’t-know-why-we-do-but-we-just-have-to-do-this-since-it-sounds-spiffy”.

On the flip side, some would have read about how the Germans are going on a strike to ask for a 4% increase in pay.    # D W denies liability.1/30/2004 08:25:00 pm

The Hamsap Inquiry

DrGoat wishes to congratulate Tony B.Liar on the brilliant outcome of his recent HatsOn Inquiry. The man is a genius; what other way to prove his innocence than to appoint a judge to tell the country that all fault for failure to find WMDs lies with a major broadcasting organisation's obfuscations?

In the same vein, DrGoat urges PM Lee Sing Longandstrong to appoint the ISD (the IndependentlyImpatial Security Department), an independent and impartial department to conduct the Hamsap inquiry into whether there is any evidence that Steve Chia's recent exposure as an exposer compromises his standing as an erect and upright young politician.

******
In other news, the US now believes its intelligence (oxymoron?) was flawed wrt WMDs, and that millions of iraqis may have perished for the American Dream.

Tony B. Liar however maintains that if British Intelligence thought that WMDs existed, then there are WMDs out there still. Nevermind that British Intelligence was based heavily on American Intelligence to begin with.

As a result, scores of crack SAS troops today accosted Ossimy BinLiner, proprietor of a local chippy chain in Baghdad popular with coalition trops, after finding high levels of chemical emissions and traces of nuclear radiation in his frying oil. Claims into potential terrorist links are being investigated.

********
In other news, it seems that Jordan is slated to win the I'm a Celebrity Junge Challenge by Ladbrokes gambling agency, with favourable odds being placed on both of her.    # Re-minisce denies liability.1/30/2004 03:46:00 pm

Different folks...

Texting a female colleague about a double-stabbing that happened at the hospital entrance, DrGoat was somewhat bemused to receive this reply :

"Cool!"

Different strokes.

*****
in the same vein (pun fully intended) :

penguin football

536.4 - hah. top that!

link nicked from metastasis
    # Re-minisce denies liability.1/25/2004 07:51:00 am

I will go down with this ship

In recent news, the RSS Garang cried foul after having its posterior chewed off by Dutch ship ANL Milk Maid. Four hapless maidens lost their innocent lives in the fatal disaster. (which took their lives)

Apparently, in a frantic bid to avert a collision, the RSS Garang courageously steered where no man has ever steered before, into the path of oncoming ANL Milk Maid not once, but four times to ensure as large a passing distance as possible.

In her defence, officer on the deck Lt. Spotty van Dyke steadfastedly stated that she saw a small white proton saga trailing the ship on its starboard side, which forced her into the various evasive manoeuvres which she employed. These manoeuvres took her into oncoming traffic and directly across the path of the ANL Milkmaid.

Despite intense cross examination by the prosecution Lt. Spotty remained calm and composed, without once going fifty-fifty, or phoning a friend. Only the tremulous twitching of her ceremonial baby-rattle grasped firmly in her heroic right hand betrayed the inner turmoil that raged beneath our heroine's breast. (s)

She steadfastedly maintained that the RSS Garang "was able to cross the path of" the ANL Milkmaid, and even though she had changed the course of the patrol boat three times, she said she was certain that there would be no risk of collision.

She had no reason to expect the ANL Milkmaid to turn since it had been maintaining its course and speed all along during her previous turns.

The vile, heinous and deplorable ANL Milkmaid was thus clearly in the wrong, and solely responsible for the accident because it swung right and obeyed conventional maritime rules of head-on engagement, instead of mindlessly adhering to its computerised and lemming-like arrow-straight course. It is also in the wrong for not turning right sharply enough or sounding out a warning to the haplessly vulnerable military anti-submarine cruiser, and preventing the disaster, although it must be noted that all manouevres being undertaken to potentially avert the disaster were exclusively being made by the courageous officers of the RSS Garang.

It is at least heartening that we can conclude that the entire fatal incident was a result of direct human error, and not the fault of the system, and clearly does not reflect poorly either on the quality of our comprehensive military training or our impeccable, eagle-eyed and steelheaded naval officers.
    # Re-minisce denies liability.1/18/2004 05:45:00 pm

CLICK THIS LINK YOU FOOLS

Good morning gentle readers.
In the aftermath of The Flying Chair Awards, DrGoat feels it is his duty as a patriotic Singalander to mindlessly emulate his fellow countryperson who emerged eventual winner of her category.

*********
Today, got up, turned computer on with toe (digicam image attached). Then, brushed teeth (digican image attached). After that, sian, so dug nose (digicam image attached). Decided to check fan mail, of which I have so, so much. See :

Dear DrGoat,
your site is very wonderful, it filled my soul with amazing Grace and saved a wretch like me. I once was blind, but now am deaf, thank you so very much!
- Wretch

My reply : thank you so much from the heart of my humble bottom, and yes my site is good hor.

Dear DrGoat,
you are so pretty, and so witty, and so funny and sunny and not-gay.
- Sy. Cophant

My reply : ahem, yes thank you, thank you my adoring slave

Dear DrGoat,
I was suicidal before I read your page, and then I saw the light. You have saved my life and changed my world, and really your site is very supercalifragilisticexpialidocious, sia.
- AdNa useum

My reply : *kiss* *wave* etcetc.

You see? I am so great, everybody loves me.
And the few losers that badmouthed me, I will sue their libels till their placentas drop out (authors note, trivia #1 : did you know you have to be pregnant to have a placenta?).

*********
Okay, feck it. DrGoat feels nauseus now. It is difficult to emulate the best of the best. Atrophy of surrounding brain cells is setting in.
In other news, DrGoat has been invited to write for some seedy, disreputable, dissident webzine known as [censored by internet police].
Hmm. What do they take me for, expecting me to leap at the flip of a hat for the chance to be in the public eye?
Let's consider this rationally.

Cons :
Unnecessary risk to self, imminent bankruptcy, potential lawsuit and retribution from Big Brother, Big Brother's sister and Big Brother's goldfish; the Emperor, Darth Vader and Cid the wonderdog.

Pros :
Free blogspace.

What the hey, count me in. And hey, where's my Car, Dude?    # Re-minisce denies liability.1/12/2004 12:24:00 am

Lady Godiva straddles, Horse in sexy underwear?

Okay, someone explain this one to me, which regrettably landed a hit on my site :

"http://www.google.co.uk/search?hl=en&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8&q=going+commando+knickers+horse&meta="

wait. on second thoughts, please don't. ugh. too late. drgoat is now scarred for life. Oh Herr Freud...

Which reminds me of a little joke I once heard in an operating theatre (I swear! Okay, sometimes I swear. Other times I just cuss)

Surgeon : (Looking up from bleeding patient) So Dr Anaesthetist, is the patient stable yet?

Anaesthetist : oh yes, but I think he's going to be a little (*drumroll*) Horse!

Surgeon : (fixed stare. Looks back down)

Anaesthetist : (goes back to doing crossword)

***********
In other news, Still no word from the British Mars Explorer, the Beagle.

British scientist claim unusual (and believe me, for the Brits it should be expressed more as : exceptional, infinitesimally improbable, unthinkable, uncontemplatable... well you get the drift) precision, resulting in the Beagle landing in a garbage can on the premises of a seedy Mars Bar and being unable to find its way out again.

Yeah right, tell us another one. We all know that the Beagle's radio silence can only mean one thing :

1) The Beagle has discovered garbage cans and fire hydrants on mars. Piddling little details often set things awry. Whatcha expect when you name your grand, tecchy, shiny space-explorer thingummy "Beagle" anyhow?

2) There are tea breaks on Mars

3) Say, Steadwick, your car stereo looks strangely like the Beagle's radi.... oh. Bugger.

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In still other news, Tony B-liar is expected to release a press statement soon about the Beagle's discovery of Saddam's secret WMDs hidden beneath the surface of Mars.

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Space experts confirm that pictures purportedly taken by the American Mars Lander, Spirit are fakes after analysing photographs released to the public. A vital clue turns out to be the Made in Japan labels clearly visible on close-up zoom of the Lander's base-station.
Oh wait, this just in - experts have inexplicably retracted all claims of non-authenticity.

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In still other news, a certain Sports School, apparently established to breed professional athletes (as a complete aside, it is a co-ed school. anyhow. so...) in response to Singalands lack of prominent sportspersons ala Becks, Wilko and Brittney Speares (who has broken the world speed record for the 200min divorce) is looking beyond its students' O levels, to their A levels, university degrees, and beyond that, presumably promising careers as engineers, lawyers, doctors, and maybe even politicians.
Pause. Okay strike that last one off the list, politicians in Singapore are born, not made, although they are occasionally unmade and spontaneously combust under the heat of the public eye. (think naked goldenboy of yesteryear, hint, Stevie's Wonder)

Wasn't that interesting then. Oh and not that this is in any way relevant, but could someone tell me what the Hitler Jugend were again.    # Re-minisce denies liability.1/05/2004 02:26:00 pm

Girl, with cucumber

The saga unfolds : from Barbie, Wanton Attention Whore to Booby, Slayer of credibility and Wielder of the Indomitable Lawsuit, one ah-lia... woma... female-humanoid's story.
The force is strong in this one. Bright, her future in politics looks.

Copyright (c) 2004, DrGoat    # Re-minisce denies liability.1/04/2004 09:52:00 am

99 things women should know about men

Well happy new year and all that.
Here's something shamelessly stolen from another blog, which was in turn stolen from someone else's blog.    # Re-minisce denies liability.1/02/2004 06:06:00 am