Notes from a cold place

re-minisce apologises on DrGoat's behalf for the prolonged downtime of this site, due to the shuffling of re-minisce's computer off it's mortal induction coils. as the wheel of time ceaselessly turns, so too, much has transpired in re-minisce's absence :

1) Big Girl Kerry wins I'm a Celebrity, Get me Out of here!, beating (both of) Jordan to the finish. Jordan, having cemented in viewer's her real persona of Sweet-girl Katie (who has only ever shagged 7 blokes in her life despite her slutty, shag-me in thongs! image) goes on to drown her sorrows at the end of Peter Andre's acorn (7+1) after vehemently denying that anything could possibly happen since she's so in love with her current (7th) boyfriend. Peter Andre overheard post Event saying "I'm so confused" is presumably slightly more enlightened now.
Or perhaps he has just Come, to a different conclusion.

Re-minisce recommends for the next I'm a celebrity! candidates for the crown of Queen of the jungle include :

- George Bush Jr
- Osama Bin Laden
- Saddam Hussein (both of him. or all three. or more.)
- Lee Sing LongandStrong, regent elect of the municipality of Singaland, Socialist Republic
- Go Choke Thongs, caretaker and seatwarmer of the throne of the municipality of Singaland, Socialist Republic
- Miriam, star of a soon-to-be reality TV series about a Shemale who conned 7 men into snogging and proposing marriage to her/him. Tailor-made for the benefit of a sophisticated and discerning British television audience.

2) Researchers discover that pigeons navigate by flying along major expressways and... flyovers (no, I'm actually being serious on this one!) Apparently boffins at cambridge tagged some hapless avian victims with GPS systems (the question that begs to be asked is WHY) to study pigeon air-traffic routes. They were devastated to learn that pigeons only employ navigation by sun/starlit-triangulation on maiden voyages abroad from their homes, and once a route has been established they then pick human-built roads to navigate alongst, even if it takes longer. Apparently they're easier to remember. Imagine that, having the entire sky as your A to Z (the A to Z is a road reference guide in the UK).
No wonder google's pigeonrank technology works so well. I'll bet those crafty pigeons are just following the information superhighways. Pah. And we thought they were mindlessly industrious little critters. Now it turns out they're sophisticated cheats with the unfortunate habit of transmitting nasty diseases.

3) J W, DrGoat's newest member continues to withold his identity to the confoundment of Re-minisce, who continues to attempt to subtly remind him to fill in his personal details in the "team page", conveniently located slightly to the right of this post ->

4) UK foreign services continue to combat the unceasing tide of illegal immigrants by making it easier for them to enter the country. Re-minisce encountered two illegals from mainland China in early January in his casualty department in that bastion of nearly-but-not-quite-humanity, Essex UK

*******
(in faltering mandarin :)

Re-minisce : So do you guy/girl/people-s work here?

Chinese Couple : No.

Re-minisce : Oh. So do you guy/girl/people-s study here?

Chinese Couple : No.

Re-minisce : So you guy/girl/people-s have family or friends here!

Chinese Couple : No.

(Pause.)

Re-minisce : So if you guy/girl/people-s can't speak a word of English and don't know a single other living/dead soul here, why the heck did you come to England?

Chinese Couple : (smiles, shrugs, suddenly doesn't speak mandarin anymore)

******
Sometimes Re-minisce has to wonder why they're called Labour.
In related news, Re-minisce attempts to renew his Visa as an Legal Immigrant to the UK, and discovers that it is actually harder to do and far more expensive than if he was deemed a victim of political prejudice. Re-minisce considers making false allegations about Lee Sing LongandStrong in the Straight Time, a staunchly punctual anti-homosexual broadsheet in Singaland, just to facilitate his visa application.

5) the BBC loses its head over losing it's head, Wossname to the wrath of Tony B. Liar. Labour, in the meantime, in true sporting English tradition gloats. The episode is soon forgotten in the aftermath of Survivor UK (see 1 above) and Jordan's innumerable flashes for the camera. Both of her. And their snuggle in bed with Peter Andre, who reaches down below to second base (the third, and most petite of the trio that call themselves Jordan and, sometimes Katie) just for the cameras.

6) George Bush admits as that the threat of WMDs was never real, however the war with Iraq was justified because it rid the world of the potentiality of WMDs being developed by that heinous criminal and mass murderer, Saddam Hussein. Therefore, to prevent Saddam from developing weapons which might take thousands of lives, coalition forces were forced to take thousands of lives. It's really all Saddam's fault, innit?
It all makes sense now.

Tony B. Liar astutely observes in his own quick-witted manner that the WMDs are real, and will still be found.
In the meanwhile, UK elections are put back a year.

7) Re-minisce compares his life in the NHS to JW's fascinatingly humourous thesis below about the Wage Reform and the Average Singalander peasant (not to be confused with the monarchy, see 1 above)

(a) if your boss is happy, he will pat you on the back before reducing your pay from band 2a to band 1a (30% less pay)

(b) if your boss is not happy, you will have to pay him blood, sweat and money to work for him, and hopefully get a favourable reference.

(c) the resident bootlickers in your place of employment are busy shagging the boss up to his balls. They are all, of course, blonde haired and blue eyed. And female.

(d) setting aside money is unthinkable. What is money?
children are hideous. And unthinkable.

(e) the NHS dream of retirement continues to centre about striking the lottery. Cars are easy to obtain. Walking is quicker.

(f) In general, it feels like "we-don't-know-why-we-do-but-we-just-have-to-do-this-since-it-sounds-spiffy". That and being unemployed is an expensive career.

On the flip side, Singalanders look like they're having it easy.    # Re-minisce denies liability.2/17/2004 03:08:00 am