Exquisite agony

He grit his teeth and threw back his head as his body tensed in response to the myriad sensations it was experiencing. Rhythmic waves of pain racked his body and built relentlessly towards a climax... In the aftermath he lay spent and groaning, barely able to struggle to his feet.

Welcome to the world of reflexology. And get your twisted minds out of the gutter.

So re-minisce, at the instigation of a rather heartless friend - who also requested the head and neck special for him (re-minisce suspects that reflexologists actually run a secret collaborative with chiropracters) to add, well, injury to injury - has had intimate aspects of his soles touched by a stranger. He tripped walking on flat ground three times, after.

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In recent news, the crew (?and cast?) of the RSS Garang have been found guilty of flagrant negligence (re-minisce is disappointed to note that the other unspoken charge of gross stupidity was apparently dropped) resulting in the tragic collision with the ANL Milk Maid and the subsequent loss of four hands and eight bosoms. oops. Bad taste again. Go suck a polo.

Apparently Judge Dredd presiding was not convinced by the Defence's case (although he reprimanded the civilian crew) that the ANL Milk Maid was culpable as well, because it had not

1) turned a hard left
2) gone straight
3) turned right

Can anyone else spell d-e-s-p-e-r-a-t-i-o-n?

Interestingly, the press had a field day (although re-minisce occasionally thinks they should really have a pond-day, the way some of them write) bandying about subtle terms like "bore down on" and "mowed down" with succinct ease in their highly stimulating and refreshingly impartial articles, where the guilty parties "lowered their heads in stoic silence" heroically, and their wives stood a little way in the corner sobbing. The violinists shuffled by, red roses between their teeth as they played a passionate polka and my, my miss american pie... oh oops. Sorry got a bit carried away there.

I suppose the moral of the story is akin to "don't turn your butt to a big Dutch mutha" or "better to take it up the front than down behind". Such is the wisdom of the Law today. Why do I feel a sudden urge to procreate?

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Walking The Street (ie orchard road) of Singapore, anyone would come to think that Charity begins, if not at home, then on the sidewalk. After the umpteenth fresh-faced prepubescent female's insistent (but polite!) spiel about why we should donate to organisation X (nevermind that we have already! This is for a different organisation, really!) Re-minisce was just about ready to take that tin and stuff it up where the sun don't shine. Uh, oh yeah thoughts like that are deviant and against the law. Well all right then, to take that child and stuff her into the tin. Oops. Who's that knocking on my door.

But seriously folks. Maybe we're going OTT a little bit. Enforced "Charity" is no charity
at all, especially when it assaults your senses every three paces. Charity in excelsium?

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In still other news, it seems a man of the cloth has been accused of misappropriating five million dollars of church funds. In his defence, he claims he did it for the good of God. Yes, quite. One wonders what he'll say come judgement day : "Really, God! That ferrarri was a wonder of engineering which I dedicated unto You! And that condominium was okay because I put a cross in every room! And those inappropriate pictures of my God daughters, well honestly I'm human too yknow. You can't expect me to be like, any different, just because I'm a priest right? Cmon, what's a few favours between us religious types, hey. We're all on the same team right?"

(humming noise as electrostatic discharge builds)

*********

In still other news, re-minisce wonders if he should meet with his co-writer, J W, since after all they're both in the same geographical location for once. Uh oh. That makes DrGoat immensely more arrestible. That knocking on my door is getting to me...    # Re-minisce denies liability.3/27/2004 03:39:00 pm