What are you waiting for?

Let's recount:

1960s - Have as many as possible, we do not really care for the moment because we need to get rid of those pesky Brits.

Late 1960s - Oops. Look at the charts and graphs, this is not good. We better think of something. Meanwhile, watch what you are doing at night! Ah Cheong, we better introduce colour television for the peasants! If they cannot afford to have one, install one at the community centres so that they have something to occupy themselves with at night!

1970s- Do what you want, but stop at two. If not, we will penalise you! Meanwhile, Ah Cheong, put up all these posters at every corner in Singapore. The sight of the two pathetic-looking girls sharing an uber small umbrella and a puny little apple with surely scare the living day lights of the peasants. Buahahahaha...

1980s - Ahh... Finally success. Ah Cheong, where's my million dollar reward for solving this problem?

Late 1980s - Oh damn! What's wrong with the charts again? Aren't we on track? What? They are stopping at two but many are going for zero? This is worrying.... We must think of something. Damn these peasants! *shakes fist*

1990s - Ok. Our pilot project has been way too powerful. We have to think of something to reverse this trend. Come... let's form a committee. It was an honest mistake.

Mid-1990s - Ok. You need not stop at two now. You can go beyond it if you can afford it. To help you do it, let's make the SDU more fun.

1998 - Shit. It is still not happening... What shall we do? What has worked in the past for us? Wait... It's money! Why didn't we think of it? We give them money! Let's give them a bonus for every baby born!

1999 - It is still not working. What shall we do now? What? Import foreigners? Alright. Let's relax those meddlesome immigration regulations. Let them in and make sure they come in droves!

2002 - I give up. Let's start a Romancing campaign. Let's allow just enough nudity in cinemas. Let them dance on bar tops if it is going to work for us.

2003 - Let's throw in more money. I am running out of ideas here.

2004 - You know what? I GIVE UP! No more Mr. Nice Guy. From now on, you better give birth to as many children as possible or I will hit you with the stick. Damn it! Go find a bed now and just do it! Shag, I mean. *points to the woman* Why are you not doing your DUTY? Go find a man now, marry him and procreate, so that you are a good Asian wife according to our Handbook on Asian Values (TM). *points to the man* What's freaking wrong with you? Can't you be more masculine? Go find a wife now and shag her. Come on. We need more babies! Babies! Meanwhile, Ah Cheong you go and see if we can promise citizenship for those foreigners who want to settle down here as long as they promise to have sex with their spouse every night without condoms. We have a plan and the plan is to have 8 million people on this little speck of an island as soon as possible. I am sure that Edmar guy is just an anomaly. Go on... What are you waiting for? GO HAVE SEX! GO GO GO!    # D W denies liability.3/10/2004 01:18:00 am