Yet Another Boring News Piece

Now THIS is really, really funny. :)

In other news, america and england opt to remain in Iraq ("The Iraqis want us to stay").
The Iraqi people (which most confusingly, must not be confused with the obsequious Iraqi "American collaborator" government), presumably in a gesture of goodwill rounded up a number of their newly-made infidel friends, to give them a friendly pat on the back.

One has to wonder just how shocked and awed the Iraqi militants are at the moment.    # Re-minisce denies liability.5/31/2004 10:58:00 am

Beckham's Bender

The NatWest EMMA (Ethnic Multicultural Media Achievement) Awards 2004 concluded yesterday with David Beckham winning sporting personality of the year.

This has aroused a mixed reaction from British viewers, since "Ethnic", in the UK really means ethnic minority, specifically of the afro-carribean / afro-american variety. David Beckham is as black as Eminem, which is to say, cough, a darker shade of pale.
To his credit though, Beckham does have two dogs named after Snoop Doggy Dogg, and Puff Daddy, and with the amount of gold the Beckhams wear on themselves it's a wonder Natwest, and, for that matter the national treasury are still in business.
Many of the black community has taken the award as a slap in the face to black sportsmen across the country who have survived guns, drugs and bad rap, whilst the white community is, unsurprisingly extolling the virtues of silver-spoon-in-mouth Beckham's virginial right foot, which of course transcends race, religion and mortality. And of course, the man himself, who has looks, cash and balls. Why, the man is so dedicated that he's been known to bury himself up to the balls in his work.
cough.

One wonders what happened to good ol' Sir Johnny Wilkinson, whose right foot has been shown to be truer, more courageous and cleaner of conscience than Beckham's distal appendage. Surely Wilko would make a better black idol than Beckham?    # Re-minisce denies liability.5/25/2004 05:04:00 am

Free Pictures of Young Erect Cocks

uh.

well i guess these are for the nice farmer-person who made this search
and wound up at our site, courtesy of askjeeves (tsk tsk) :

    # Re-minisce denies liability.5/21/2004 03:56:00 pm

Withdrawal Syndrome

Having liberated Iraq of several thousand men, women and children, Bush and Blair have at last, it appears, decided to return Iraq to the Iraqis.

Like a butterfly emerging from its chrysalis, the Iraqi people arise anew, invigorated by their newfound freedoms, speaking with confident, democratic voices.

Bollocks. Or, translated into American for the slightly less verbally endowed amongst you, male-moocow-turdies.

It's hard to squeak confidently when you step out of your burrow into a cage full of eagles... psychotic eagles. With explosive talents.

Blame it on wardrobe, uh, I mean intelligence failure. Somehow, the words Intelligence Failure and Bush seem to fit together just like hand and... thingie... you know... hand goes in it. Sometimes fits...?

Blair and Bush would have done well to take a chapter from Origin System's aging classic, Wing Commander IV. Perhaps then they'd have understood the most basic of tenets, that The Price of Freedom is Eternal Vigilance.    # Re-minisce denies liability.5/17/2004 08:03:00 pm

The Cynic's Guide to Life, the Galaxy, and Everything

(Culled from : somewhere else)

Ok. My take is, basically, life is divided into Moments.

You've got the Bah! moments. Bah! moments are characterised by Murphy's and Sod's law. Things that will go wrong will invariably screw up in the way most guaranteed to piss you off to no end, wreck a beautiful day, and make you say Bah! amongst other choice expletives. An example is when you wake up to a rainy grey day, put your toast in the toaster, press down the button and trip every circuit breaker in the neighbourhood, earning the wrath of all your neighbours. Don't you deny that it hasn't happened to you.

Then there's Uhh moments. Actually, Uhh moments broadly encompass two distinct entities, Uhh... and Uhh! moments. Uhh... moments are when you're completely lost for words, you know, eg when something embarrassing happens like you walk in on your best friend shagging your room-mate or something, although both are engaged to be married to different people. That's definitely an Uhh... moment. Usually, closing the door discretely and pretending that it never happened helps. Uhh! moments are more extreme, but basically the same thing. Eg when you're the one caught shagging your room-mate by her boyfriend, or if your trousers fall down while you're walking down the street or something. Statistically, Uhh... moments are probably more common than Uhh! moments, because Uhh! moments are usually vehemently denied and repressed from memory.

Then there's Hmm moments. Hmm moments, like Uhh moments, comprise 2 separate but similar entities. Hmm moments : there's Hmm... and Hmm? moments. Listen closely. The difference is very subtle.

Hmm... moments are moments when you're contemplative. When you suspect things might be going wrong, but you're not quite sure of it. Almost premonitions. Eg you pop your toast into the toaster first thing in the morning, and nothing happens. That's a Hmm moment. About 10 minutes later, you probably have a Bah! moment when you realise the toaster isn't plugged in. Hmm... moments are vaguely suspicious. Hmm? moments are usually completely innocent, and usually confused. Hmm? moments occur when somethings not quite right as well, and you sense it. Also premonitions, in a sense. But there's a different outcome, a more bizarre outcome than you were expecting. Eg you pop your toast into the toaster, and you get back 20 dollars. Now that's definitely a Hmm? moment. or rather a yeeeeeeeeeeeeehaaaaaaaaaaaaaa moment. Actually that was a bad analogy. Okay say you pop your toast into the toaster, and you get back 2 fried eggs. Or say you step into the house and catch your best male friend shagging your roomates boyfriend, although both are engaged. Yeah that's definitely a Hmm? moment. Hmm? moments have a certain air of Wot? Wait a minute... about them. :)

Mmm... moments are considerably rarer. Mmm moments. Use your imagination. Eg best friend shags roomie's girlfriend and gets away with it, for him that's pretty much an Mmm... moment. Next time you see the hero and heroine smoking ciggies the scene After, you think to yourself, now that's an Mmm... moment. Say it with me. Mmm...

Then there's Err... moments. Err... moments are very much like Uhh and Hmm moments. Err... moments are awkward, but not necessarily embarrassing to the extent that Uhh moments are. Eg when someone says something dumb, like say is that a toaster? Or eg you open the door, catch your best friend and roomie hard at it, and someone walks by and says gee what are you guys doing... wrestling? That's an Err... moment. Usually Err... moments are less extreme than the latter scenario though. The dumb-speak scenario is the more common. And usually Err... moments are shared by a group of people who pause, stop talking, goggle at the dumb-speaker, and collectively think "Err..."

Err moments are probably the most common of all, after all, to Err... is human.

So, in a nutshell, life is a Bah-Uhh-Hmm-Mmm-Err. Bummer.    # Re-minisce denies liability.5/14/2004 01:49:00 am

The things we do for you

*Thump. Clank*

Oh. We're online...

Ahem.
DrGoat is proud to give to you miserable lot the latest technology has to offer, the Mk II antipersonnel blue lase... Eh? What's that? Wrong channel? oops.

Um yes, as I was saying. Ahem.
DrGoat presents to its motley, jaundiced, landlubbing scurvified worshi... readers a new service. The more observant amongst you may have noticed the subtle "subscribe" button on the panel to your right. Follow this arrow with your eyes if that is too much for you to comprehend -->

Anyhow, to subscribe to DrGoat, simply key your email address (you have got one, haven't you...) into the little box conveniently provided, and then hit the subscribe button.

Everytime we update on our end, you'll be notified with a brief email on yours. Just the way we like it, end to end.

pause. (javascript : ScanforDeviantThoughts)

Go on then, you know you want to. What's another rubbish email in your junk mail folder, amidst the flood of pornographic promises of sticky, luscious women creating messy, sweaty... thingies, and other thingy thingies? (Oh. You don't get spam-mails like that? Whats that? You'd like some? Don't worry, that can be arranged too.)

In other news, DrGoat is STILL recruiting. Any body who hears the clarion call to enlist in this worthy cause, for the sake of perpetuation of Satire, Wit, Humour and other similar endangered species in Singaland, please step forwards and state your Criminal Offender's registration number.

Thank you.

Offline.    # Re-minisce denies liability.5/12/2004 11:19:00 am

Silence of the Lambs

DrGoat apologises for the prolonged silence.
DrGoat, you see, hasn't been very amused.

Bombs exploding in spain, bridges (and buildings) falling down in Singapore, and American women trying their hands at playing Caveman. What is the world coming to?

("They told us to do it!" - the tried and tested reason, for everything.)

No less unamusing is the news that a prominent surgeon has been informally dismissed because a certain relative of The Godfather, aka The Emperor has suffered postoperative complications of some form or other.
Since The Godfather persistently maintains that complications (wrt the Family, of course) are really a sign of weakness or ineptitude (in the face of conventional wisdom that complications are inevitable, and that complication RATES are what really count with respect to medical excellence) a lamb has been offered up for the slaughter.

On the bright side, the President of the United States has finally been forced eat humble pie. An apology from Bristly Bush. Who would have thought it?    # Re-minisce denies liability.5/10/2004 05:50:00 am