Sex and the CBD, Singaporean PIE. Karaoke Ugly.

Sex in briefs :
1) Homosexuality. Seems the PAP, in its liberal-minded all-embracing (platonically of course) wisdom, is now actively recruiting homosexuals. Oh, but homosexual sex is still illegal. Can you imagine a day at the office of Mr Poke-me Man, PAP white(duh)collar (and purple underwear) boy? The sheer sexual tension must be tremendous. All those downcast eyes. Musn't look up, mustn't look up, musn't make eye-contact... DAMN! (klaxon sounds, swat team bursts in through windows, etc).
Keyboards clicking away, oppressive silence, stapler falls on floor... mustn't look up, mustn't look up, mustn'tpickupstapler.... DAMN! (klaxon sounds, swat team falls from ceiling, etc)

2) Oral sex. Recap... or recover. cover up. whatever : policeman has consensual oral sex with girl apparently of age of consent, girl decides a week later result less-than-satisfactory, makes police report, policeman loses job, charged in court, goes direct to jail without passing go (came? no go-go!). Oral sex in Singapore, like homosexuality constitutes an unnatural sex-act, unless it is followed by penetrative (heterosexual) intercourse. That's food for... ... ... thought! isn't it?
After much chewing, mulling (but no swallowing) and thought, courts decide that the girl was a minor after all, so that's all right then. Sorted.

3) Bar-top Dancing (think Coyote Ugly, only substitute REAL ARGLEE for beautiful blonde girls in thigh-high - or, on an average oriental girl, neck-high- boots). Enlightened minister realises sight of girls dancing on bars/tables will "inflame" the passions of men on a lower plane-with-a-view, leading to no-holds barred wrestling sessions, chaos, anarchy and FatalitY! ala mortal-kombat. I personally fine this rather amusing. Inflame? Perhaps he meant engorge. All our upright and erect young males being rubbed the wrong way, tsk tsk.
Shortly after, enlightened minister in typical generous and progressive PAP fashion legalises bartop dancing to show how liberal our forward-thinking government has become. Apparently males no longer find prospect of looking up girl's skirts an inflammatory matter any longer.
Perhaps PAP should consider law against girls going commando when bartop dancing. Or not wearing bras if below minimum height cutoff. Or perhaps patrons of clubs must attend blindfolded and double-gloved?

4) Trivia #1 : Did you know it is illegal to walk about nude in your own home? Logic runs that HDB flats, essentially pigeon coops stacked up in close proximity to each other, afford people (with modestly powered binoculars) views of each others' living rooms. One supposes the inflammatory argument is in practice again, so naked ironing, naked cookie baking, naked fridge-raiding, and naked nakedness is starkly illegal... nevermind that the person making the police report, in most other countries would be guilty of voyeurism.
Cut to latest civil-watch organisation : Nanny/nehneh-Watch, hordes of grannies armed with binoculars / handycams, daily panning the horizons for signs of wanton, decadent, immoral nakedness. Gaydar? Nay, Nehnehdar lar.

5) Trivia #2 : Age of consent in Singapore... 16? 17? (one of the two). Age of cineview-sex in Singapore (ie Rated, Artistic, or R(A), since sex is clearly artistic) 21. Yes, quite. So in theory, a teenaged male could watch the real thing skewered at the end of his, uh, staff (as Terry Pratchett says, a wizard's staff has a knob on the end) and a teenaged female could watch the real thing sliding slowly and slimiley (how's that for alliteration?)... um southwards, heck they could both star in a porno-artistic video, but if they tried to watch it on screen they'd be breaking the law.
hmm. yes, quite.

So in a nutshe... in a small, hard, wrinkly round... in brie.... in shor..... In essence, (phew close call there) our esteemed government, in their omnipotence graces the layman with attention down to his/her drawers/knickers. (Free Willy? Immoral!) Micromanagement in the micropolis. Does anyone else ever feel like you're living in a Sim's Unleashed! (within the law) game?    # Re-minisce denies liability.11/30/2003 03:50:00 am

Genesis

Welcome to the official opening of DrGoat dot (blogspot dot) com!
(trumpet fanfare cancelled owing to lack of funding, please send monetary contributions to...)

DrGoat would like to portray life and times in Singapore, and possibly the rest of the World Beyond (inconceivable as that may be to some) in a light-hearted, houmus, err humerous way, with generous helpings of heaped-on political sarcasm and satire. Unfortunately, as Dr Goat is currently post on-call and extremely hungry (can you tell?), what will actually transpire is a decidedly ordinary angst-filled rant instead.
Tough luck, and as they say, excrement occurs.

In the news this week:

1) England wins rugby world cup!
Most memorable newsline : "Wilko (Johnny Wilkinson) maintains that he will continue to train in the way he always does, and will not let this affair get to his head. Well what's the point of that? A true superstar should be getting well stuck into champagne, drugs, and Jordan, and not necessarily in that order."
Poor Jordan, make one sensational sex-tape, sell it to the Daily Star, and suddenly the whole world thinks you're a cheap slapper... withnicetits, sothat'sallright then.



2) White horses an extinct breed.
Our beloved leaders have recently announced that White Horses are no more, because, well err um. Because, period.
Apparently the sole rationale for their foaling was to ensure equality amongst the ranks of disgruntled young males serving their national indemnities (substitute servitude / indenture at will).
Naturally, the average Singaporean on the street, not being possessed of the foresight, backside and other divinely attributed anatomical endowments of the lowliest, but yet nonetheless elitestoftheelite PAP minister, is wholly unable to comprehend how labelling individuals in an otherwise uniform (pun fully intended) sea of green "anaemic equines" serves to ensure that they will be treated just as badly as everyone else.
Naturally the more subjective of the lay-sheep in singapore feel that they are getting the wool pulled over their eyes, and have been defiantly bleating their, well, defiance. In fact one suspects they're getting rather (drumroll cancelled owing to lack of funding, send monetary contributions to...) horse.
DrGoat feels that we shouldn't flog a dead, pale horse anymore. (I hear the apocalyptic riders get rather upset by this for some reason)
If the average man on the street wants to continue to stay on (rather than under) the street in Singapore, one true bastion of free speech, expensive consequences, and all-night-shopping, he'd better learn to be a good neigh-bour and keep his peace in one piece.

Bestiality is best left alone it its own dark little corner to perversely get on with getting off.    # Re-minisce denies liability.11/27/2003 12:42:00 am