DrGoat dot com! 
Tuesday, June 29, 2004
Prime Suspect - Re-minisce

Stars and Moon (chapter 2)

Chapter 2
This is my country


Zoom out.

This is Kit's home. It's about the size and shape of a shoebox, equipped with a state of the art television, sound system, and insta-ejectable windows born of tomorrow's technology...

Zoom out further.

Kit lives on the Fifteenth storey of a conglomeration of identical shoeboxes, stacked neatly into a structure looking suprisingly like a single large shoebox balanced on its side, known as an "HDB block". A cascade of windows falls dreamily towards the ground, shattering with pretty tinkling noises...

Pan, majestically.

Scores of HDB blocks regularly dot the horizon, interspersed with a healthy green salad of tropical trees, shrubs and herbs set in an immaculate grid...

Far below us, 1241911 Kits wander mechanically about their daily tasks, at work, play or trawling lazily for something nice to eat (which is a national past-time). 2500835 Kats, Barbies to their Kit-Kens cluster in little groups (no larger than seven) pointing derisively at individual Kits and giggling dismissively, and trawling The Street gently foaming at the mouth in search of something nice to wear.

Sometimes, brownian motion brings a Kit particle into individual contact with a Kat particle. The result ain't just chocolate, is all this author has to say. Chocolate doesn't come in quite that messy a concoction.

This is Singaland.
It's the kind of infuriatingly organised place you'd almost expect to see a giant white arrow hovering just out of sight, lingering over buttons marked "population growth", "economic development", "preserve racio-ethnic statis quo" and "decimate rival state". Indeed, sometimes at night if you strain your ears hard enough there's an occasional, ominously muted click...
It's also incredibly boring. 
                      _______________________________________
Sunday, June 27, 2004
Prime Suspect - Re-minisce

Stars and Moon

(Warning. The following article may contain scenes of a sexual nature that some people may find objectionable, namely wrinkled old prunes and non-progressive subversive elements of society. Singapore is a progressive society. Remember that. It is the Law.)

(disclaimer - this article is an utter fabrication. Any uncanny resemblances to reality are wholly coincidental. It is also clearly a tasteless piece of low class rubbish, because it is not written in Good English. It contains words with more than two syllables. If you feel your brain beginning to overheat, stop reading immediately, and put your head under running water for at least thirty minutes. You should probably be advised to read a quality Good English website like http://xiaxue.blogspot.com instead, as you are obviously a connoisseur. Oops. I mean a person of Good Taste.)


A Singalander's Story
Chapter 1


This is Kit.
He's not very tall. Or good looking. Or smart.
He's so nondescript that he blends in, in a crowd of two. Sometimes, people walk into him on the Street (ie Orchard Road, because there is really only one Street in Singaland) and then stare glassily through him as they bump him repeatedly trying to pass.

He's very slightly pimply, and very slightly chubby, and his eyes are a little too small for his face. He wears spectacles with thick plastic frames, not so much for the fashion statement they make but because they were handed out free of charge during his period of national enslavement.

Kit carries himself with that slightly abrasive arrogance born of an immense inferiority complex. He's a loser, and he knows it.

He considers himself a cut above the type of guy that a certain type of girl brings home to meet the parents, who in turn roll their eyes in quiet resignation before drawing her aside and subtly suggesting she lose some weight and consider serious reconstructive facial surgery.

He's the sort of guy who, if he'd trained to be a doctor, or lawyer, would get approving nods from parents across the country.

Instead, he studied engineering. Girls don't bring him home very often in case he puts their parents into a permanent vegetative state. Once in a very long while, some nondescript girl will think that maybe she might just possibly, (although she's not too sure and needs to talk it over with all her friends first) ...maybe entertain the thought of potentially liking him. That's how feminine love works in Singaland, except when it comes to buying branded clothes or garish handphones, where it is always a case of love at first sight, and acquisition at second (with boyfriend firmly in tow).

In other words, Kit is the Archtypical Singalandic Male whose existence the media and government vehemently deny. According to official statistics, Singalandic men are long and strong in the beam, with appendages thicker and wider than their caucasian counterparts, and it is always a mystery to Big Brother why local women should prefer their American Born Chinese counterparts (side note, remember to summon that particular reporter for an official visit to the Istana sometime soon for re-education.)
Other countries have to invest millions of dollars in Witness Protection Schemes or Intelligence Agency Training Programmes to attain the level of non-identity Kit was born with. Kit, and others of his ilk live in Cognito, which is a state of mind.

This particular Kit, unlike his 1241912 counterparts across the country, is about to have a life-changing experience.

This Kit is about to die.

(to be continued)
 
                      _______________________________________
Sunday, June 20, 2004
Prime Suspect - Re-minisce

Fresh Meat

DrGoat is proud to announce the imminent arrival of two new writers. I think. Well, the possible, imminent arrival. Maybe.
Well, we'll just have to wait and see. Twiddles thumbs. 
                      _______________________________________
Monday, June 14, 2004
Prime Suspect - Re-minisce

Disturbing

Scene 1

Two tall men moving in perfect synchrony, well-toned legs shafting purposefully and rhythmically out side to side, hands locked in passionate, enveloping embrace.

Get your minds out of the gutter. The longkang. The canal even. Or the Very Big Crack. (snicker. yes, yes, like nickers with the 'S' in a different place)

The setting : a park
The activity : blading
The country : Singapore.
hey? har? yeah. Singapore.

Scene 2

A large, kick-ass motorcycle with the purr of a very contented lion, sleek and powerful and oozing sexuality. Sitting astride it, two women, long brown hair billowing gently in the breeze. Okay, it's singapore, right. They're probably just good friends. Or maybe they're lovers.

Ooo. The pillion rider just put her hands up the driver's blouse / jacket. Uh. I guess they're good friends then. Um. Shouldn't this be illegal. It's very distracting. Who the hell's talking about her driver. I'm talking about me!

Scene 3

Exploring the New MOE with a friend, I discover that the biological sciences hub buildings (which look like they are about to take off into outer space any time) are appended almost directly onto the Ministry of Education.

Does anybody else find this disturbing, or is it just me? Stem Cell Research (hmm. looks like the Have Sex campaign, aka Passionate Singapore isn't quite getting off. getting off. snort. giggle.) and Education.
Cloning. And Education.

Ooo.
Cue Star Wars Episode 1 / 2 theme songs. Vats of cloned soldiers all waiting to be educated in the art of war.... 
                      _______________________________________
Sunday, June 13, 2004
Prime Suspect - D W

The "Pravda" Times gains popularity.

The Straits Times a teaching tool at ITE

THE Institute of Technical Education (ITE) joined The Straits Times Media Clubs for schools last month with a subscription of 100 copies a week for each of its five campuses.

On Mondays and Wednesdays, 50 copies of The Straits Times go out to each of the schools in the ITE West network at Ang Mo Kio, Balestier, Bukit Batok, Clementi and Dover, which have more than 9,000 students.

The newspapers are divided among the seven or eight teachers on each campus teaching communication skills for their use during lessons.

Teacher Sim Lai Choo, who has taught at Dover for more than 20 years, said: 'When I read The Straits Times, I see more than a collection of articles and advertisements - it's an invaluable teaching tool with relevant and engaging material which can improve students' English.'

She uses reports on movie stars and entrepreneurs to teach them how to identify key words and main ideas when reading, Forum letters for pointers on letter writing and comic strips as a basis for writing stories.

Copies of The Straits Times are also placed in campus libraries so students can browse them during breaks. Students at ITE West can take the papers home at the end of the day.

Joining The Straits Times Media Club network - which comprises 42 primary and secondary schools - enables ITE students to attend media camps during vacations and visit the newsroom for seminars with journalists and photographers.

This helps train ITE students as reporters and photographers for the school's newsletter, which is published twice a year, said head of academic studies Tham Mei Leng.

***

My impression of the standard of English grammar found in the aforementioned rag remains dodgy. If I were an English teacher, I would rather use articles from the Beeb website. I mean I would prefer my students to develop a global perspective towards the current issues than stick to just one or a few perspectives.

And of course, would I want my students to continue reading about the recent (but rather late) backlash against the recent "gentle" encouragement from the powers-that-be to procreate? First, someone blatantly linked the lack of stalls providing food around his area for their unwillingness to procreate and today, some lady rambled about how she was being discriminated against for being pregnant when she applied for a job.

"If I had known my pregnancy would deprive me of a job, I would not have tried to have a baby so early."

When people say things like this and it becomes more of a threat than a personal decision, something is strangely very wrong with our little wee speck of an island.

Er... That's my view anyway. :D 
                      _______________________________________
Thursday, June 10, 2004
Prime Suspect - D W

Reason Number 137,875 Why Singaporeans Need a Nanny (State)

Reproduced from the "Pravda Times" (before it disappears):

Falling birth rates? Here's food for thought

WHILE the cost of childcare and medical services have been identified as major factors for the decline of birth rates here, there is another factor, which may also be contributing to the decline, and that is food.

Food is a very basic need. When it is hard to get, this affects everything else.

Young couples, who can contribute most to the birth rate, are likely to be the ones setting up homes in new towns.

I seem to recall that the Housing Board, when asked why kitchens in the flats of these towns are so small, said such estates are designed for young couples who are likely to have a small family and unlikely to cook often.

Such a flat sounded suitable for me and my wife as both of us cannot cook and, in any case, don't have the time to do so. We booked a flat in Sengkang, trusting that it would have more hawker centres, coffee shops and food courts than the older estates to meet the needs of the 'non-cooking' families.

To our dismay, we found that there are no hawker centres in the Sengkang or Punggol new towns, and only three coffee shops and a handful of air-conditioned food courts to serve the whole of Sengkang and Punggol.

Compare these with an old estate such as Ang Mo Kio, which has about five hawker centres and countless coffee shops.

We have come to realise that a simple meal for us is a bus ride or a 15-minute walk away, and we have to pay about 20 per cent more for cooked food compared with prices at eating outlets in mature estates.

Once, as my wife and I were on our usual 15-minute walk for food, we concluded that it would be a smart move not to have children yet.

It is hard to imagine how we would be able to raise young kids in a place where it is so inconvenient to get a meal.

TOH YEOW CHYE

***

Wonder whether they will publish my letter if I complain of how the humid weather here will affect the chances me me getting married. Come to think of it, what could possibly stop them from printing a complaint letter about how queuing up for NDP tickets can affect one's performance on the bed? 
                      _______________________________________
Wednesday, June 09, 2004
Prime Suspect - D W

The allure of the Singaporean-born Chinese man

The latest breed of men that our female comrades are apparently hankering after are Singaporean-born Chinese (SBC) working here.

Think actress Hen Yao Lian's husband Zhi-Yao Se and reality TV show Eye For A Comrade's Commie Zeng.

Hen, who has a reputation for not suffering fools gladly, melted under the charms of the SBC man and became Mrs Zhi-Yao in a hush-hush wedding in Toa Payoh this April. The couple are expecting a baby in June.

Meanwhile, Zeng, 36, a SBC teaching entrepreneurship at Su Zhou Industrial Polytechnic, has become a mini-celebrity of sorts after taking part in CCTV’s version of An Eye for a Male Comrade.

Although comrade Xiang Nan Ren, 23, chose waiter Ying You Shu as her man on the show, she is now dating Zeng, the runner-up.

On why she finds the SBC attractive, she says: 'I'm not with him because he's a SBC but more because of the chemistry we have. I'm English educated and I guess that's why it's easier to relate to him.'

While most comrades see SBCs as non-white expatriates, some are known to view them as fake ang mohs. Or, simply, white men with Singaporean packaging.

In other words, are our female comrades indulging their SPG sentiments without guilt because SBCs are 'Chinese'?

For when it comes to attracting local comrades, it seems that it's as easy as ABC for the SBCs.

Some say it's simply a case of Ready, Accent, Go!

Or is it?

To find out, Xing Hua Shang Pao spoke to about 20 female comrades aged between 18 and 40 for their views on SBC men.

Their verdict? The imported guys win hands down in the personality department.

Accounts executive Wo-Yao Nan De, 26, says: 'I think they're fun to be with because they dare to be different. They are just more eloquent, dynamic and worldly.'

The gentlemanly side of SBC men also scored big with local women.

'Basically, they know how to treat us well,' says marketing manager NanRen Hao, 25.

But if you're a male comrade, don't despair. And if you're an SBC guy, don't gloat yet. Read on.

While most of the women agreed that SBCs would make great friends, boyfriends and lovers, the general consensus is that they are not necessarily great 'husband material'.

'The difference in culture and mindset sometimes makes it hard to click with them. I prefer local men for the sense of familiarity they give me,' says student Xiang Qinghe, 19.

Human resource manager Wo Xiang Jia, 36, sums it up: 'They are good to be with but not good to marry because you never know how long they plan to stay. Local men can offer a better sense of security.'

Nice women a big draw

There are no official statistics on the number of SBCs in Motherland, but they are estimated to number about 50,000 out of the 120,000 to 150,000 Singaporeans living here.

Most are working in the media and banking industries, with an increasing number teaching in local universities.

The SBCs that LifeStyle managed to uncover average 1.6m in height (perchance due to a growing-up diet heavy on nasi lemak and chicken rice?) and, as a result, many are also part-time karaoke singers.

But what is it about Motherland that draws them here?

Tan Ah Kow, a 43-year-old businessman from Bedok, echoes a common sentiment: 'We SBCs, very difficult fit in anywhere perfectly la. When I'm in Singapore, I can speak like everybody else but I don't look like everybody else. That's why I came here. This is the closest that I belong. After all, it’s my Motherland!'

Besides job opportunities and cultural ties, one important pull factor for SBC men is our female comrades.

'Women here are more demure as compared to Singaporean women. In Singapore, gender lines are so blurred, it's nice to meet girls who behave more like nu ren,' says Zeng.

Wong Ah Beng, a 44-year-old bouncer from Bukit Ho Swee, adds: 'Chinese women can cook, look after the house, don’t complain, don’t demand the 5Cs and don’t nag. They are very, very attractive.'

It remains to be seen if more practical-minded of our comrades return that compliment.

Male comrades say...

BRING it on.

That's the consensus of 15 comrades Xing Hua Shang Pao spoke to when asked how they felt about competition from SBCs for our female comrades. There's nothing to be afraid of, they say.

'When an SBC comes along, they are attracted by the fact that they are different,' says Suan Poo Tao, 28, a farmer from Qingdao. 'But after the initial phase, they will realise that there's nothing special about SBCs and become bored easily. Afterall, what they have, we also have.'

The main attraction, they feel, centres on the Western ways of SBCs who still maintain their Chinese roots but have a Western outlook.

Thus, snagging an SBC is like getting the best of both worlds, with a 'get out of Motherland' blue card thrown in if the relationship works out, says talior Jiang Peng, 23.

'They're the next best thing after ang mohs for our female comrades. They've got the Singaporean slang, can talk better and they've got more money than most of us, if you're into that kind of thing,' he adds.

Local comrades can possess some Singaporean traits, but it's just not the same.

Production worker Zhi Jie Shuo, 29, says: 'While younger male comrades are generally more open than the older generation, at the end of the day, we are still chung kuo ren.'

While the comrades say they do not feel inferior to SBCs in terms of abilities and achievements, five admit that most local comrades simply lack the finesse that men from other cultures have when it comes to dating.

Engineering assistant Li Jie, 30, adds: 'We are what we think, and if one feels small compared to an SBC, then he will lose the attractiveness that the woman should be seeing.'

Clerk Duo Mao Dun, 28, says: 'I don't know whether it's a case of our female comrades being snapped up by SBCs, or whether local comrades are not doing enough to prove themselves.'

Some female comrades might also think that being with a SBC will bring them a better lifestyle.

'When we go to Myanmar or North Korea, some local girls throw themselves at us for the chance to live a better life away from their countries. So, local girls here also want a better life,' says Wo Ye Yao, 28, who runs an underwear factory.

Qu Wai Guo, 31, who works with a welfare organisation and spent about seven years studying in Singapore, offers this perspective.

'For all we know, they might be the guys who can't make it back home and treat their stint here as a stepping stone. They stay for a while and then fly off, leaving our poor comrade behind.'

Hoo is he?

IF Barry HOO were a local comrade, he would probably be chastised for the career choice he made a few years ago.

The SBC from Sengkang quit his well-paying job as a taxi driver to pursue an acting career in Xinjiang. He decided to seek his fortune in Motherland in 2001.

'I not happy there, but I'm much happier here,' says the affable 52-year-old who ended his education at Sengkang Primary School.

'Down here a lot of people like me, yellow skin? In Singapore, acting jobs for us men tan bo chiak. But here, the possibilities are almost endless! And I can be close to my true Motherland!'

To learn more about his roots and open more doors, the 1.62m-tall Zhong Jie Opera and Travelling troupe artist is taking an intensive Putonghua course at the Jilin Night School.

'Down here, learn Putonghua the best,' he says with a snigger. He can be seen performing with his troupe in the opera, A Dream of Red Mansions.

Not one afraid to speak his mind, he gives an unequivocal 'yes' when asked if he feels SBC men are more attractive than local comrades.

'Of course we better la, Singapore number one in many things, leh.'

Most SBCs here are more adventurous and outgoing because they are 'here for a purpose', says Hoo.

'When you compare us with your local men ah, they pao su one.'

A touch of Zeng!

WHEN Xing Hua Shang Pao arranged to meet Commie Zeng at a McDonald's restaurant, it was easy to spot him.

No, not because he had appeared on CCTV’s reality TV show Eye For A Local Comrade.

Neither was it because of his manly looks, which apparently is the reason his students at Suzhou Industrial Polytechnic do not skip his 'serious' classes.

The 36-year-old teacher was easy to spot because he had just finished eating five xiao long baos and was about to bite into another.

Looking slightly embarrassed, he confesses: 'Yeah, I eat a lot. For lunch, I usually have to eat two or three big paos on top of rice, meat and vegetables.'

The 1.54m-tall imported man is, technically, not an SBC. He was actually born in Malaysia. His parents, originally from China, had lived there since they were young. Zee moved to Woodlands with his family when he was six.

'There's very little about me that is Chinese other than my blood. I feel like there's a part of me that's been neglected for quite a while,' says the easy-going, potbellied man who also speaks Hokkien and Malay.

'To me, it's an important time to define my sense of self better and I want to do that while I'm young. Part of that is coming to China and learning more about our culture.'

He shakes his head apologetically when asked if he knows which village his ancestors come from.

'Oh, I have no idea, sorry. But I hope to find out before I leave Motherland.'

Asked if he is hit on by his female students, he says, chuckling: 'They see me every day, so I'm nothing special.'

He has extended his contract for another six months and admits shyly that it was done partly because of Xiang Nan Ren, whom he met on Eye For A Local Comrade.

'I didn't come here to meet a girl, but now the best thing about China is Nan Ren. She's the first female comrade I've met here that I can really relate to on a level where we can take it to a relationship.'

As all three of his former girlfriends were Singaporeans, his parents were actually 'resigned' to not having Chinese grandchildren.

Describing Xiang as 'intelligent, homely and traditional”, the primary school swimming champion stresses that it is because of his roly-poly image, he does not like girls 'with just looks'.

'I think my accent has a lot to do with that image - that I'm just looking for a good time. There are definitely a lot of negative stereotypes out there, but I'm not one of them.'

As for his long-term plans, he says: 'I want to stay in Motherland until I stop learning. I know that eventually I do want to go back to Singapore. That's where my family and friends are.

'As for Nan Ren and me, we try not to look so far ahead. That sort of thing kind of scares me actually. I just know I'll be here for another year at least.'

Give me women with ideas

Production Manager Humphrey Chin, 34, is not a man who minces his words.

On why he packed his bags and left his hometown Kampong Bahru in early 2001, he says: 'Because they fought over Hello Kitty.'

The explanation, delivered softly in a sad voice, comes so quickly it takes a moment to realise he is not joking.

For two months after he left, he lived in Hong Kong ('too expensive'), Taiwan ('I don't like Chen Shui Bian’) and Tokyo ('I don't speak Japanese') before deciding on China.

'It's Chinese-speaking, inexpensive and I love the weather.'

A graduate from Informatics, he has a degree in computer studies and calls himself a jack of all trades.

Insurance agent, bouncer, stall assistant, tuition teacher and VCD salesman are among the long list of jobs he has taken on in Singapore.

After arriving here three years ago, he became production manager at a fabric factory.

'I'm a hybrid, I have the best of both worlds. But culturally, I identify more with China than with Singapore,' says the unassuming man who speaks Cantonese, Mandarin and Malay, which he learnt in school.

Chin is currently dating a 'well-read, demure' local comrade - his second Chinese girlfriend.

'She's not opinionated. That's why I love her and she makes very good la mien.'

Asked point-blank if he thinks SBC men are stealing our local female comrades, he smiles and says: 'No more than white expat men.

'If your local comrades want to see it as a competition, that's fine. But it's a healthy competition.' 
                      _______________________________________
Tuesday, June 08, 2004
Prime Suspect - Re-minisce

Translating the News (into "Good English")

Fire, with Fire

(from:The allure of the American-born Chinese man
By Mak Mun San; Straits Times, Jun 6)

aka, shallow ch**bye

Wong, who has a reputation for not suffering fools gladly, melted under the charms of the ABC hunk and became Mrs Wu in a hush-hush wedding in Los Angeles last December. The couple are expecting a baby in October.

Obviously proof of SPG syndrome. no chance that he's actually a great guy that she really loves.

While most Singaporeans see ABCs as non-white expatriates, some are known to view them as fake ang mohs. Or, simply, white men with Asian packaging.

0% of Singaporeans saw them as people. It does matter if you're black or white. Or white-yellow, or yellow-yellow. Or green, or purple, or tinky winky.

Their verdict? The imported guys win hands down in the personality department.
Accounts executive Sim Wai Hoon, 26, says: 'I think they're fun to be with because they dare to be different. They are just more eloquent, dynamic and worldly.'

Hmm. Speak Good English movement meets Passionate Singapore - Hi. I'm Tan. wanna fuck?
Exciting and stimulating growth-inducing environment, catalysed by abundance of free speech and self expression.
Whaddaya mean our guys have no personality?


'Basically, they know how to treat a lady well,' says marketing executive Sharon Lim, 25.

(ie, don't take out the club and hit them on the head untill they're in the bedroom)

While most of the women agreed that ABCs would make great friends, boyfriends and lovers, the general consensus is that they are not necessarily great 'husband material'.

Wa. Today's husband has to be more than friend, boyfriend, and lover. Time to hang up the club boys, and get out the feather duster.

'The difference in culture and mindset sometimes makes it hard to click with them. I prefer local men for the sense of familiarity they give me,' says student Serene Ho, 19.

Oh! I get it. Anyone remember this one : "love the man you marry, don't marry the man you love". We stand in the shadow, nay the Lee, of wise words indeed!

Human resource manager Tay Siok Ching, 32, sums it up: 'They are good to be with but not good to marry because you never know how long they plan to stay. Local men can offer a better sense of security.'

Translation : made in Singapore. A brand you can trust.

Jackson Pek, a 33-year-old lawyer from San Francisco, echoes a common sentiment: 'As ABCs, we don't really fit in anywhere perfectly. When I'm in the US, I can speak like everybody else but I don't look like everybody else. That's why I came here. This is the closest that I belong.'

Transl (editors insert : too many syllables, please find another word) - Turn into Good English Version -
I'm a sad loser. Nobody likes me in the US. Think I'll go eat worms. Or maybe I'll go to Singapore. Yeah they'll like me there, I'll fit in. After all, I'm different.


'Women here are more demure as compared to American women. In the US, gender lines are so blurred, it's nice to meet girls who are feminine,' says Zee.

Good English Version
American women don't want to fuck me. It must be because they're too macho, and they're big enough to fight me off. Singaporean girls are small and weak. And they don't talk back.


Holman Chin, a 34-year-old screenwriter from San Francisco, adds: 'Singapore women are multi-cultural, multi-lingual, athletic and sophisticated. They are very, very attractive.'

Good English Version
... there is no translation for this one - that would be anywhere approximating the truth, anyhow. Snicker
.

Personal thoughts : Yeah, right. Play it again Sam. While we're dishing out stereotypes, why don't we say it like it really is? Singaporean women are short, whingy, and insecure about themselves. And Holman Chin is obviously a consummate diplomat. Laughs.
Disclaimer - some Singaporean women are truly remarkable, and are witty, sophisticated, and highly evolved. And dare I say, very very attractive. The same is true across the world, about English women, and American women, and even (gasp) Australian women. Many of them are dead.


Postgraduate student Lim Wah Long, 27, says: 'While younger Singaporean guys are generally more Westernised than the older generation, it's a pseudo-Western thing. Singaporeans are neither here nor there.'

half brit, half yank. 50% male. The "best" of all worlds.

Public relations executive Gary Gan, 28, says: 'I don't know whether it's a case of our local women being snapped up by ABCs, or whether local Chinese men are not doing enough to prove themselves.'

Or maybe even of local media presenting less than half of the real picture? I personally, as a purebred Singaporean-Singaporean, think that blond women have such wonderful hair. And nice blue eyes. And beautiful smiles, and laughs. And are even occasionally intelligent. And their legs go on forever...swoon.

'When we go to Thailand or China, some local girls throw themselves at us for the chance to live a better life away from their countries. So, local girls here also want a better life,' says Herman Loo, 28, who runs an investment company.

Funny that. Singaporean men go to China to find women who are more "demure, athletic and feminine" no? MUAHAHAHAHA

'For all we know, they might be the guys who can't make it back home and treat their stint here as a stepping stone. They stay for a while and then fly off, leaving the girl behind.' -- SHERWIN LOH

And there might be guys who stay forever. Probably due to brain tumours or severe head injury. Geez Louise, who would want to stay in a dump like Singapore, where everyone's eyes are so blinded by stereotypes that there's no room for reality?

Garett Hoo, 32, California. -- ALAN LIM
'I don't live as materialistically as I did, but I'm much happier here,' says the affable 32-year-old who studied at San Francisco State University.

Wa. he doesn't live as materialistically as he did. Must be a Beverley Hills boy.

'Where else can I do what I enjoy doing in a place where I'm the majority in an English-speaking country? In the US, acting jobs for Asian-American men are so few and far between. But here, the possibilities are almost endless.'

Speak Good English :
No need talent to act here. Coooool!


'I'm still very self-conscious about ordering food in Mandarin,' he says with a laugh. He can currently be seen in the Channel 8 serial Man At Forty playing an ABC playboy, Thomas.

(So he does it fluently in Cantonese, the lingua franca of the rest of the Chinese World)

(editor - simi lingua franca. This is good english movement okay!! take it out! Now!)

Sir, yessir.


'I feel it actually has made me more popular among both men and women. The women see a guy who is not afraid of himself and the men see a guy they can relate to.'

heh. The gay men, he means. Oo. Freudian slip.

He says he has had six relationships in the past but is not seeing anyone at the moment.

Not enough hunky men?

'Singapore men lack something. I know a lot of guys who are very, very nice. But that's what they are, they're nice. The edginess is missing.'

Speak Good English : Bastards always win. Hit your woman daily, with a big stick. This will ensure obedience and faithfulness.

'When you compare us to local guys who are content with the status quo, they will pale somewhat in comparison.'

Speak Good English : Thank God for my Instant Tan cream

But he points out that the reverse is also true. 'The Singaporeans I've met in the US also have a sense of adventure. I guess getting them out of the norm is when they come alive.'

Or maybe the clever rats leave the sinking ships first?

Mark Zee
The 1.84m-tall imported hunk is, technically, not an ABC. He was actually born in Brazil. His parents, originally from China, had lived there since they were young. Zee moved to Minneapolis with his family when he was six.

That's no good then. He's not even a REAL ABC. He's some cheap brand we've never heard about. Born in Brazil! Pah.

'To me, it's an important time to define my sense of self better and I want to do that while I'm young. Part of that is coming to Asia and learning more about Asian culture.'

(them picture books just weren't good enough see. Y'all know the sort. Lotus flower penetrated by stork, position number #3301, etc?)

'I didn't come here to meet a girl, but now the best thing about Singapore is Rachel. She's the first girl I've met here that I can really relate to on a level where we can take it to a relationship.'

(SGEM : nice tits and ass.)

'As for Rachel and me, we try not to look so far ahead. That sort of thing kind of scares me actually. I just know I'll be here for another year at least.'

(SGEM : ran out of money for airfare home, and the sex is good)

Jackson Pek, 33, California. -- ENRIQUE SORIANO
'I'm a Singaporean American,' the 33-year-old declares proudly in his American twang.
'That's the difference between me and all the other ABCs. I've ties here.'

...Wah. He's so special man. He da man. Lah.

'ABCs are gentlemanly, yes, but a lot of things we do are superficial, like opening doors. Local men have a long-term intention to build a family and take care of their in-laws.

"ABCs are gentlemanly, yes." HAhaha. Brand name X is the best! But Brand name X can only open doors. Brand name Y leaves your laundry spotlessly clean and mediates wars too!

'Marry a local man. We may be fun to go out with, but you may have some nasty surprises down the road. We're very non-committal. It's an American thing.'

Yep. Look at the Gulf, no good reason to committ to a war, no good reason to continue it, and look where we are today! It must be an American thing.

Holman Chin :
'She's opinionated. That's why I love her. I can't go out with anyone complacent. But she says she has intimidated a lot of local guys.'

Hmm. What was that about the Local Women label being all demure and sophisticated again? HAHahahahahahahahaha

Know your ABCs How old are they? 20s to 30s. Where are they from? All over the United States, but primarily from San Francisco and New York. What do they do? They work in a wide range of sectors, but mostly in the media and banking industries, with an increasing number teaching in local universities. Where do they stay? River Valley, Orchard Road and Bukit Timah areas. Where do they eat? Restaurants which offer large and/or unlimited servings of meat, places which serve dumplings and hawker centres. Where do they buy their groceries? Cold Storage. Where do they shop? In the US, as there is a variety of styles and sizes not available here.What do they wear? What most Americans wear - T-shirts and jeans. Brands like Hugo Boss, Richard Tyler, Zara and Levis are popular. Where do they hang out? The American Club, gyms, cafes in River Valley and Holland Village and Borders. What sports do they like? Basketball, tennis and running. What do they drive? BMWs. What kind of girls do they like? Girls who like them despite their accents. What kind of girls do they dislike? Girls who like them because of their accents. What else do they like? Black T-shirts and the words 'definitely' and 'absolutely'.

Speak Good English :
Meat Market! Laaaddiiies, Step right up! Purchase your All American Schlong today! Lasts for hours and hours without need for charging! Pleasure guaranteed!!

Disclaimer : re-minisce hastens to add that his tongue was firmly in cheek whilst writing this, and if any of you big, ripped, scarey ABCs take offence he's really, really sorry. Uh same goes for Ms Rachel whosit whatsit. Both of her. 
                      _______________________________________
Thursday, June 03, 2004
Prime Suspect - Re-minisce

Marital Arts

In the papers yesterday : (sic)
Hear ye, hear ye. Former Archbishop of Canterbury, George Carey blesses union between Charles and Camilla! Charles free to remarry Camilla, according to church!

The news is raging across the face of the UK like tamefire. The tension in the air is so thick you could slice it with a damp sponge.

Meanwhile, in a place far, far away, somewhere in an alternate reality headlines read :

Former Archbishop of Canterbury dies tragically in car crash while in limousine with new-found male lover after refusing to endorse royal remarriage. Driver miraculously survives! French police rule out foul play decreeing it act of God. 
                      _______________________________________

Billy Goat Gruff, Emm Bee Bee Ass extraordinaire!

Archives

July 2003 / August 2003 / September 2003 / November 2003 / December 2003 / January 2004 / February 2004 / March 2004 / May 2004 / June 2004 / July 2004 / August 2004 / September 2004 / October 2004 /

Disclaimer

Datclaimer

Team

Interview with the author

Stars and Moon - The Story

Links

Subscribe to DrGoat


powered by Bloglet

GuestBook

Leave your Mark



Powered by Blogger




Stars and Moon (chapter 2)

Stars and Moon

Fresh Meat

Disturbing

Reason Number 137,875 Why Singaporeans Need a Nanny (State)

The allure of the Singaporean-born Chinese man

Translating the News (into "Good English")

Marital Arts

Google
Little Green Dot